Posts by Ghost of Esmeralda

26

FREAKING OUT

by SheilaM in

i'm trying to write my speech on the dubs i am freaking my heart is pounding and i'm so angry.

i just can't calm down god i hope i can present it.

i guess i was repressing a lot more than i ever thought.

I'm so sorry. Wish there was something I could say that would help. Along with the others, I say just breathe, slowly, deeply and preferably with your eyes closed for a few minutes. Will help you physically slow down when your mind is racing...

I also suggest relaxation Yoga...there's a great video that even I can do with my health issues. Haven't had time in awhile, man I really gotta get that thing back out.

If you want the name of the video, e mail me.

Feel better!!!!!!!!!

essie

41

JW Family...UPDATE! Please advise!

by Ghost of Esmeralda in

jw
friends

my ex husband just told me that he will continue to facilitate visitation between my child and my jw family who is shunning me (see my other thread "i didn't think they could find another way to hurt me but...") he says i'm the one with the problem and that i should be "ashamed of myself".

it's not like i thought he'd cooperate, but for him to stand there and tell me that he will allow my sister full access to my child and there's not a damn thing i can do (and probably, legally, that's right) makes my blood boil.

makes me just want to swallow every fricking pill in the house.

Ghost of Esmeralda

Yes, it has been amazing to receive all this support. I never expected so many replies! Much to consider, esp. the legal info. Thank you everyone!

Another update: my ex called my father today (as he has been known to do, to ask him to get me back into line) My father apparently discouraged him from calling his lawyer, told him it'd be a waste of money cause he'd lose! My father read the same piece of info that I gave to my ex yesterday (from that other court case) and he said "Well no one can argue with it, because it's correct!" !!!!!! He agrees no child should be subjected to hearing anyone speak in a derogotary way about their mother.

So apparently he told my ex to calm down, told him that I'm not making outrageous requests. I informed my dad today that I never asked my ex to call my sister, that it was all his doing to create drama and more conflict. My father looked at me and said "You've come so far in five years. I don't want you to think that you don't have...allies." He's been df'd before (in his youth) and he says he's "been where I am." apparently, he remembers more than he'd like to.

Hopefully, if this goes as it usually goes when my ex calls my dad, he will calm my ex down somewhat, and also help in heading off any over-reaction on the part of my sister. She didn't call today, I half thought she would. I'm relieved she didn't, actually.

I told my dad that I didn't say my sister could never see my daughter again. She and her (elder) husband are welcome to come to my home, while my husband is here in the evening as well, and they may sit in my livingroom and play a game of monopoly with my daughter. But it has to be both of them, and both of us, with my daughter. My father feels that this is a perfectly acceptable idea, nothing wrong with it! I know it's not going to happen, my brother in law won't be in the same room with me.

Strange, sometimes you never know where support for your position is going to come from...

My mother still isn't picking up when I call. She lets it go to the machine...

Will keep you all posted on this as it goes on...thanks again for all your support. And thank you Simon and Angharad for this place...

~essie (and family)

28

"You're not that bright, are you?"

by berylblue in

jw
friends

that's what a co-worker said to me today.

now, i admit that i'm in a benzodiazapine withdrawal induced daze all of the time (did more research on this and it's quite possibly going to last another half a year or more...one person, who stopped klonopin 18 months ago described it as "always feeling as though i am just coming off an acid trip", which i don't know about but i can imagine), but i thought this was kind of mean.. i miss my daughters; they are never going to speak to me again, i feel so isolated here, i'm ashamed of the entire benzo withdrawal thing, ashamed that i can't hold a real job, just really, really down.. al stewart, as always, said it much better than i ever could:.

"well sometimes it seems impossible that the game could get that rough.

Ghost of Esmeralda

awww, Rosemary ((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry. I feel like dirt tonight myself, apparently we aren't alone. But don't listen to them. There's a grand old Crowded house song, with the lyric "Don't let them win." Don't let anyone, anyone make you feel stupid. I would have loved to have said to that person at work "Well, we can't all be Stephen Hawking, can we? I mean, you understand that feeling too, I'm sure."

Don't let them win. You're not alone, and though we can only give cyber hugs, well if i hug my monitor will that make them seem more real?

(((((((((((((((((Rosemary))))))))))))))))))))))))

hugs and more hugs,

essie

of the hugged and hugging class tonight

41

JW Family...UPDATE! Please advise!

by Ghost of Esmeralda in

jw
friends

my ex husband just told me that he will continue to facilitate visitation between my child and my jw family who is shunning me (see my other thread "i didn't think they could find another way to hurt me but...") he says i'm the one with the problem and that i should be "ashamed of myself".

it's not like i thought he'd cooperate, but for him to stand there and tell me that he will allow my sister full access to my child and there's not a damn thing i can do (and probably, legally, that's right) makes my blood boil.

makes me just want to swallow every fricking pill in the house.

Ghost of Esmeralda

Well...after another chat, my ex has had a change of heart. Rather, I should say he was driven to tears after I showed him something Alamb sent me! He said that I was 'unbelievably low' to 'threaten him' and "use him" this way. I tried to explain it wasn't about him, but that it was about my sister's behavior. My husband tried to explain that as well, but the ex refused to see it. He has said though that he will 'comply' (interesting he used that Borg term!) he hates doing it and is only doing so because's he's being forced. Because he's so afraid I'll take him to court and restrict his access to take my daughter to the Hall. He flatly denied ever telling my daughter I would die at armageddon (course he swore also to my husband that the Society doesn't judge people! HA!) He went so far as to dramatically 'forbid' my daughter to say that she'd heard such a thing again.

As I type this, my ex just called and told my husband that he phoned my sister (something I did not want, or ask him to do, he is creating needless drama, another way he likes to stir up problems) and informed her not to call, write, mail, or contact my daughter when she is with him. My sister had the guts to ask if that "meant her husband, too?!" !!!!!!!!!! Can you say, already looking for a way around my ex!

I fully expect this isn't the end of this. He's going to pitch a fit eventually, and I fully expect my phone to ring tomorrow and my sister to call. I'm going to wait a few days to answer if she calls, I need to gather my thoughts, so my husband and I can tell them, together, that as long as she maintains these views that I am bad just because I am not a JW, that she cannot, and will not, have access to my daughter.

But...I wish I believed this could last. I don't think it can.

Thanks everyone, for everything. I am grateful ((((((((((alamb)))))))) you're a gem.

love,

essie

41

JW Family...UPDATE! Please advise!

by Ghost of Esmeralda in

jw
friends

my ex husband just told me that he will continue to facilitate visitation between my child and my jw family who is shunning me (see my other thread "i didn't think they could find another way to hurt me but...") he says i'm the one with the problem and that i should be "ashamed of myself".

it's not like i thought he'd cooperate, but for him to stand there and tell me that he will allow my sister full access to my child and there's not a damn thing i can do (and probably, legally, that's right) makes my blood boil.

makes me just want to swallow every fricking pill in the house.

Ghost of Esmeralda

I have joint custody, unfortunately. So he has liberal visitation.

The stuff Alamb is sending me is so fascinating...and may be enough to make him realize that if he doesn't respect my wishes about my family, if I go to court he may be unable to take her to meetings again, period.

Keep those thoughts and ideas coming...and thank you.

essie

41

JW Family...UPDATE! Please advise!

by Ghost of Esmeralda in

jw
friends

my ex husband just told me that he will continue to facilitate visitation between my child and my jw family who is shunning me (see my other thread "i didn't think they could find another way to hurt me but...") he says i'm the one with the problem and that i should be "ashamed of myself".

it's not like i thought he'd cooperate, but for him to stand there and tell me that he will allow my sister full access to my child and there's not a damn thing i can do (and probably, legally, that's right) makes my blood boil.

makes me just want to swallow every fricking pill in the house.

Ghost of Esmeralda

thank you alamb, I just wrote to you. Wrote to you too JT. I don't know if there is a chance with any of it, but I just hate thinking that they can do this and there is nothing I can do.

thanks everyone

essie

41

JW Family...UPDATE! Please advise!

by Ghost of Esmeralda in

jw
friends

my ex husband just told me that he will continue to facilitate visitation between my child and my jw family who is shunning me (see my other thread "i didn't think they could find another way to hurt me but...") he says i'm the one with the problem and that i should be "ashamed of myself".

it's not like i thought he'd cooperate, but for him to stand there and tell me that he will allow my sister full access to my child and there's not a damn thing i can do (and probably, legally, that's right) makes my blood boil.

makes me just want to swallow every fricking pill in the house.

Ghost of Esmeralda

What would I tell a judge, though? After my ex did something stupid that caused my daughter a broken bone (he didn't hit her, but like I said, did something stupid) my lawyer told me that they have a hard enough time getting supervised visitation anymore when the parent is an active drug user or convicted criminal! What the hell do I tell them? They won't get it.

He may very well be able to continue letting my family have at her, and there may be nothing I can do.

I feel like my head is going to explode. He's only doing this because he knows it'll make me hurt. Sick bastard.

essie

41

JW Family...UPDATE! Please advise!

by Ghost of Esmeralda in

jw
friends

my ex husband just told me that he will continue to facilitate visitation between my child and my jw family who is shunning me (see my other thread "i didn't think they could find another way to hurt me but...") he says i'm the one with the problem and that i should be "ashamed of myself".

it's not like i thought he'd cooperate, but for him to stand there and tell me that he will allow my sister full access to my child and there's not a damn thing i can do (and probably, legally, that's right) makes my blood boil.

makes me just want to swallow every fricking pill in the house.

Ghost of Esmeralda

My ex husband just told me that he will continue to facilitate visitation between my child and my JW family who is shunning me (see my other thread "I didn't think they could find another way to hurt me but...") He says I'm the one with the problem and that I should be "ashamed of myself".

)!*~!(&%^~*^$! It's not like I thought he'd cooperate, but for him to stand there and tell me that he will allow my sister full access to my child and there's not a damn thing I can do (and probably, legally, that's right) makes my blood boil.

Makes me just want to swallow every fricking pill in the house. I mean, they're not going to stop until they've assimilated her, what can I do anymore?

It's like he has abused me all over again. Everything he ever did...this is worse. He likes watching me suffer, this is his only way to do that now. He's a fricking sadist.

I am just beside myself :(

73

I didn't think my JW family could find another way to hurt me but...

by Ghost of Esmeralda in

jw
friends

but i was so wrong!

my daughter just got home.

you all know i dressed her up, painted her nails, curled her hair, and sent her off to my favorite cousin's wedding.

Ghost of Esmeralda

I also agree with many on the board's decision of shun one shun us all. Due to the unhealthy enviroment this hateful behavior stirs. No child should have to make these decisions or be placed in the middle of this. Period.

This is the way my husband and I feel as well. When we made that position clear to my sister in the past, she said "Of course he feels that way, he's worldly."

My dad just stopped by. Hilarious, he told me that my mother thinks I hung up on her. I assured him that I wouldn't do that, that I heard her shout "I don't want anything to do with your sister, I don't want anything to do with you, or any of you, I have to go now." *click* I waited a moment, then I put the phone down. I most definitely did not, and would not have hung up on her. He said he would let her know that it was a 'miscommunication.'

After a few days reflection on this whole mess, I have been able to get my attitude in line for the good of my child, to put my own feelings aside once again.

We spent more than an hour this morning talking about it, me asking questions about the wedding, about her favorite parts, what she liked best about her dress, etc. She giggled and smiled her way through her story. I think that I will be able to see pictures, even though it'll hurt, because it's best for her. And I always, always do what is best for my child.

She understands that it is the sneaking around on my sister's part that upset me, not her involvement in the wedding in any way. I wanted to be good and sure her sensitive 7 year old conscience doesn't suffer any guilt.

My dad warned me against taking a 'hard line' with my sister. I told him, Dad, my door is always open to her. But this sneaking, deception, and divide and conquer tactic will not be tolerated anymore. By me, or by my husband. We made this decision as a family, and my sister is going to have to act like an adult.

It's going to be all or nothing, the choice is up to my sister. Still no word from my ex. I'm going to be seeing him later today, so it looks like I'll be handing him that letter in person after all.

But I am feeling much better today. Because I'm taking control back. I am not helpless in this situation by any means, and there is no way that they are ever going to pull a stunt like that again.

Thanks again everyone, your support and insights have been priceless. Even whats-his-name who seems to be seeing the JW side...thanks for reminding me why I don't want to go back, ever!

~Essie

26

My Husband

by Soledad in

what would you call a person who drinks to the point of near-unconsciousness?

every week?

who can't deal with personal problems and/or set backs any other way?

Ghost of Esmeralda

((((((((((((((Soledad))))))))))))))))))))

Definitely Al-anon, and look out for yourself, and your kids (if you have any). This is behavior you don't want to introduce to another generation.

I hope it gets better and works out for you two, if you want it to. ((((((((((((((Soledad)))))))))))))) SEEK COUNSELING! You need professionals to help you work through this.

hugs,

essie